Welcome to the animal jokes section for One Black Goat. We have compiled the funniest animal jokes on the web and will continue to find more funny jokes to make you laugh.
Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they’re here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ”What’s your name??” The duck replies ”Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here ??” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond.” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50 fine!” The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ”What’s your name??” The duck replies ”Quack Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here??” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond.” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50 fine!” The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ”And your name must be Quack Quack Quack.” And the duck replies ”No, it’s Bubbles.”
Three cats sat in an alley after being released from the pound after 3 years.. all males. A female cat walks through, winking at them all. The first cat says ‘oh yeah, i like that’ The second cat agrees and the third says ‘too bad we’re gay’
A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.” He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables.
He heard again, “Jesus is watching you.” This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot.
He asked, “Did you say that?”
The parrot admitted that he had. “I’m just trying to warn you, is all.”
The burglar sad, “Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What’s your name?” “Moses.”
“Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?”
The bird answered, “I don’t know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler “Jesus'”!
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.”
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies: “Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.”
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat.”
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?”
“My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
“Now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner, “I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on”
“Ok, got it.” the homeowner replied. “But whats that shotgun for?”
“If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said, “shoot the Chihuahua.”