Welcome to the adult jokes section for One Black Goat. We have compiled the funniest adult jokes on the web and will continue to find more funny jokes to make you laugh.
One day 2 leprochans were having an argument. So they they went to a convent and they rang the doorbell. When the nun came out one of the leprochans asked her “sister, are there any nuns my size here?” She replied “no little leprochan, there are no nuns here your size” he then said “Oh….well, are there any nuns any where in the world my size?” she then replies “no little leprochan, there aren’t any nuns in the world your size” he then thanked her ans she shut the door. The other leprochan started to crack up laughing and said “haha u stupid bastard, i told u that you fucked a penguin!”.
What do Michael Jackson and cavier have in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
A pregnant women gets caught up in a bank raid and gets shot in the stomach 3 times. she survives, but the doctors say that each of her children will pee out a bullet when they are older.
She has 3 children – 2 girls and a boy. When her first daughter is 6 she runs to her mum and says “mummy mummy i wee weed out a bullet”.
Her mum replies “its ok darling”. When her second daughter is nine she shouts to her mum and says “mum i peed out a bullet”. She replies “thats ok”.
When her son is 13 he runs down the stairs and “shouts mum mum”. She says calmly, “I know you peed out a bullet”. He says “no i was having a wank and i shot the dog!”.
An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.
Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said “Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me.”
So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.
The little old lady turned to her husband and said “He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!”
A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days. The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night. The husband asked her about what.
She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off penises. The little ones went for $500 and the big ones went for $1000.
The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes!
Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that ” I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off pussys. The loose ones went for $500 and the tight ones went for $1000.
The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.
Sell? They didn’t sell yours… where in the hell do you think they held the auction!
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!